Reconciliation Considered...

Considering reconciliation? Personally, I believe that those of us who have gone through or are going through a divorce have toyed with the idea of reconciliation at some point. At this stage of the game now is the time to ask yourself if reconciliation is what you really want. My suggestion is to go back and make a list of the Pros and Cons of your marriage and see if it is worth salvaging. If the Pros outweigh the Cons then it is possible. Another question that is good to ask is how or why the two of you ended up divorcing in the first place. The most important question of all (in my opinion) is have you forgiven the ex spouse and have you moved through the initial hurt. If the answer to those two questions is a "NO" then it would be safe to say that reconciliation needs to be put off a bit.


If you are considering reconciliation try to remember what it is about the ex spouse that made you fall in love with them in the first place. Also, if the two of you still have unresolved issues to work through seek help before totally committing to putting things back together. I say that simply because if unresolved issues are not tackled outright repeat problems are more likely to occur between you.


What if one ex spouse wants to reconcile and the other does not? This is the simplest of all: Move On! The spouse that may not want to reconcile may still have issues regarding the divorce-he or she may still be angry, mad, or sad. Another factor in not wanting to reconcile may be time. Too much or too little time may have passed. In terms of too much time, it could simply mean that the ex spouse has finally become used to life without the other spouse and likes things the way they are. As for too little time, it could simply mean that the ex spouse may not have had time to process things and move through the emotions of what has happend and still needs time to heal.


Whatever the case may be reconciliation is a touchy subject and should not be taken lightly. It is strictly a personal choice and only you can answer YES or No and why. Remember, whatever your stance on the subject be clear with your ex spouse what your position is and be able to back it up.

Those dreaded words..

Before the divorce is in full swing, I am sure that your soon to be ex has muttered one of these phrases:

• "I don't love you anymore"
• "Maybe we should take some time apart"
• "It's not you, it's me"

The list is endless. I just decided to list some of the more popular ones. After hearing whatever phrase your soon to be ex uses take some time to absorb what has been said. I am sure the initial reaction will be one of two things: sadness and / or anger. That is normal. This is the point in time where you may, perhaps want to be alone or call a friend to vent. Whatever is going to help you clear your head. Do it.

The one thing you do not want to do is beat up on yourself or blame yourself totally. In a marriage it takes two and when it ends the fault is on both sides. Here's one thing to consider - your soon to be ex has said those words..so now what? Take some time to figure out if you yourself feels any differently towards your soon to be ex. This is the time to reevaluate what you want and where you want to go.