Forgiveness: An Act of Love

Hate feels toxic doesn't it? Hating someone brings more harm to the hater than the person being hated. That concept is something (I believe) that goes out the window when someone does something to you. When a person is wronged, the only thing on the person's mind is fixing it-one way or another. You might be the type of person that holds a grudge against another- saying, "I will never speak to this person again!" or saying, "I hate you, you're dead to me!" We don't realize just how toxic and harmful that is.

Hate raises your blood pressure, makes you irritable, sleepless, mean, unapproachable, and down right sick inside. The only way to combat the ugliness and harm caused by hate is through FORGIVENESS.

Forgiveness, however, for a lot of us, is harder than it should be. Remember, forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for you. There's also not a time-table for how long it takes to forgive, so don't beat yourself up, if you happen to take longer than you think you should. Forgiveness is a process. I'll be the first to say that yes, it is hard, but it's worth it. Visualize the person you're mad at going on with their life and they are happy, then take a look at yourself in the mirror. You're mad, seething even, it's not a good look. Hate makes you look weighed down, heavy, burdened-the opposite of happy. You would be carrying the burden of what happened and the person you're mad at has moved on and is truly HAPPY. In turn, that would only make you even madder (what a hoot!). Crazy I know, but that's life.

Lighten up, realize that you are both human and you make mistakes. Forgiveness doesn't happen over night-be patient with yourself. I'm sure you've all heard the saying "fake it til you make it"- that's what you may have to do in the beginning. Tell yourself that you forgive this person until you wake up one day and realize, "yes, yes I do."

Remember, the best thing you can do for yourself is to forgive. It's about you and your well-being, not theirs. So show yourself some kindness, and learn to forgive others.

*yes this is a divorce blog, but life goes beyond divorce-forgiveness applies to anyone about anything*

Those dreaded words..

Before the divorce is in full swing, I am sure that your soon to be ex has muttered one of these phrases:

• "I don't love you anymore"
• "Maybe we should take some time apart"
• "It's not you, it's me"

The list is endless. I just decided to list some of the more popular ones. After hearing whatever phrase your soon to be ex uses take some time to absorb what has been said. I am sure the initial reaction will be one of two things: sadness and / or anger. That is normal. This is the point in time where you may, perhaps want to be alone or call a friend to vent. Whatever is going to help you clear your head. Do it.

The one thing you do not want to do is beat up on yourself or blame yourself totally. In a marriage it takes two and when it ends the fault is on both sides. Here's one thing to consider - your soon to be ex has said those words..so now what? Take some time to figure out if you yourself feels any differently towards your soon to be ex. This is the time to reevaluate what you want and where you want to go.