Redefining A Family

One of the biggest changes in divorce is the family; what it means and what the new dynamics are going to be. As stated in my earlier post, the ideal family consists of a mother, father, and children; but that isn't always the case. In quite a few divorces, usually you have the primary or custodial parent and then (yes I'm saying it) the absent parent. Let me just say, there are adjustments to be made on either side. For the custodial parent the biggest change and challenge is having ALL the responsibilities on his or her shoulders. Doing it alone is a daunting task. If you are the primary parent, my suggestion to you is to seek as much support from extended family and friends as you can (if you are that fortunate). They will be your life savers. If you are totally alone as a single parent, I suggest you seek out support groups for single parents and if your city/town doesn't have one,why not start one?

The absent parent, of course, is just that-absent. This parent may feel alienated from the ex-spouse and children depending on how nasty the divorce was, which may be the reason he or she is not there. Honestly, there are probably a whole host of reasons why a parent is absent. The reasons could go from feeling rejected to being just trifling and they don't want to be in their childrens' lives anymore. Personally, I feel there should be no reason a parent should be absent, but it happens. The absent parent has to adjust to live on his or her own, with no one to take care of but themselves. My feeling about that-that's a pretty easy adjustment, but an adjustment no less.

Whether you are the primary parent or the absent parent, reassessing what makes a family is important. What is a family? 
1.a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head 2. the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family (taken from merriam-webster.com).
A family doesn't have to be people that are related to you. Yes, a family can be made up of extended family beyond mother, father, and children, who live together, but it can also be a group of friends who see each other through the tough times; they share responsibilities, help rear the children, help one another out of binds, and lend an ear in times of crisis. That's what makes a family. It doesn't matter if you share blood or not.

If you are going through a divorce your family will change and you have to be willing to change with it. Part of a successful divorce recovery is realizing that change is inevitable and sometimes the "norms" don't always apply. Let go of the notion that a family has to have its traditional members. If you love, give love, receive love, and have people in your life that you couldn't see life without, then you have a family. Embrace it.